Top Ten Most Difficult Things To Do In Sports

Alternatively titled.. things we will never do in sports. The following is a list of the ten hardest things to do in sports, according to us.

10) Dunking -- You say millions of people have been able to dunk over the years and we say we can barely touch the net. You say basketball players can dunk from the free throw line and we say that we could not get to the rim with a trampoline. You say that half the black people on the streets can dunk and we say that you are racist…but also speaking truly about the general abilities of the previously referred to African-American population. Obviously dunking does not belong on this list…but for those of us who are 5’11 and have bad knees and well…yeah it’s just that…white men can’t jump.

9) Balance Beam -- We have no idea how this works. We cannot imagine the balance required to do anything other than walk across the beam without falling. So…yes we recognize the difficulty of gymnastics and are including the balance beam on our list. And now we can waste time watching videos like this in the name of research. Ouch..

8) Watching a NASCAR race -- Watching cars drive around a circle 200 times is easily one of the toughest things any educated human being can endure. But seriously, if NASCAR counted as a sport, driving a car 150 miles an hour for over 3 hours, bumper-to-bumper with other drivers without crashing once or dying would be up there among sports most difficult tasks. Temperatures in the car go over 100 degrees, and the forces on a driver's body are so strong that he would be fortunate to be able to move his head 6 inches in any direction. Their heart rates are at the level of a marathon runner. And unlike a lot of other sports, you don't get a break every few minutes to rest and relax. The fact that you are doing all this in the eyes of 100,000+ screaming inbreds makes the pressure and stress all the more unbearable.

7) Ironman Triathlon -- Swimming 2.4 miles alone would qualify as being one of the 30 toughest things to accomplish. But adding 112 miles of cycling immediately after the swim brings the Ironman competition up several notches. Throw in a marathon (26.2 miles) and you have yourself a top ten athletic achievement. Widely considered to be the most grueling competitions in sports, the Ironman Triathlon even beats out the Tour de France on our list. It is an absurd achievement for anyone to even finish this thing in a reasonable time, but the top athletes finish the three legs of the race in under nine hours, a ridiculous accomplishment.

6) Stopping a Penalty Kick -- The penalty spot is twelve yards from the goal. Soccer players can kick the ball 80 mph. Goalkeepers are human. This makes things extremely difficult. If you want to do the math yourself be my guest. In the end, the goalkeeper winds up doing a lot of guesswork and attempts to read the shooter and determine which direction he is going to go. Or you can take some felix felicis. Whatever works.

5) Playing Sports…as a Girl -- Girls are bad at sports. Everyone knows this. And since we’ve let them out of the kitchen and into a world where they think they have equal rights, they have bombarded us with things like Title IX and the WNBA. On the other hand, we have been privileged enough to be a part of a society that encourages this and this and this.

4) Covering an NFL wide receiver -- There is a reason no NFL coach is dumb enough to regularly put his cornerbacks one-on-one with a wide receiver, with no help from other defenders. It's practically an impossible task. NFL wide receivers are some of the fastest, most agile athletes in the world, and one mistake in single coverage means six points for the offense just about every time. The cornerback is at a natural disadvantage because he doesn't know for sure what route the wide receiver is going to run: their reaction time has to be cut to a minimum. But react too hard and you'll probably be faked completely out of your shoes, giving up a touchdown in the process and taking the sole blame for the defensive breakdown. Your job can be made easier by having a great defensive line to hassle the quarterback into making bad throws, but they can only help you so much. It's been proven Chad Johnson can turn 180 degrees after running full speed in just one-tenth of a second. Seems ridiculous to expect another human being to react quickly enough to stop him from catching a pass on a simple hook route.

3) Golf -- There are any number of skills required in golf that could be on this top ten list. Or maybe its just the entire concept of the sport: getting a tiny white ball into a tiny hole hundreds of yards away using a variety of metal sticks. Hitting the first shot is tough.. angle your club a couple degrees in either direction and you've missed your target by 50 feet, at least. Once you locate that 1-inch ball in the rough, hitting a powerful shot to get it out of there will probably be frustrating as hell as you repeatedly swing your club into the grass and miss the ball completely. Five strokes later, you are in the sandtrap, trying to get your ball out of there but instead slowly moving it up the slope of the sandtrap using another 3 strokes. Once you are out of there, 60 feet away from the hole, you somehow have to use your knowledge of physics to read the slopes on the green so you can get this nightmare over with. Tiger Woods can hit a putt from here. You can't. Four putts later, you finally get the ball in the hole. Congratulations on taking 15 strokes on a par-4 hole.

2) Returning a huge serve -- Andy Roddick can serve over 150 miles per hour. Meaning you have .35 seconds to react to the ball while it travels the distance of the tennis court. He can put the ball in either corner of the service box. Meaning by the time it reaches the baseline, it could be anywhere in a 17 foot range. Rob's wingspan only covers about half of that. All of that is completely disregarding any spin on the ball which could increase that range even further. Of course, if you do manage to react in .35 seconds or less, chances are your reaction involved turning around and/or cupping your family jewels to protect them. If you are good enough (or stupid enough), you can try to go for the ball, but is it worth it? After all, you pretty much just have to guess where the ball will be, and then you have to return it over the net and in the court, probably setting him up for a 150+ mph overhead, where you can repeat the process over again. Joy.

1) Hitting A Baseball -- This has nothing to do with being able to hit a baseball. But you will probably waste a good ten minutes on this site. And Addy got a .01…just throwing it out there. Bet you can’t top it…Anyways, just consider in the time you are trying to click your mouse, a hitter has to recognize the pitch, decide if it is a ball or a strike, and swing. Oh yea and make contact, too. Fastballs, curveballs, sliders, change-ups. You might think baseball players are unathletic and well…sometimes that seems to be the case. But the hand-eye coordination needed is unbelievable and the bat speed required is just as remarkable. Hitting major league pitching is widely recognized as the hardest thing to do in sports and the best hitters in the world only get hits three out of ten times. So this is not just Addy influencing the ranking…promise.

That's all. Feel free to complain about how your sport isn't here by leaving a comment we may or may not read. Also, vote in our new poll. We are trying to break double digit votes. YES WE CAN!

Until next time..
Siskel and Ebert (and you're getting two thumbs up)