Summer Lovin'

Ladies,

You must have arrived at this blog by accident. Please do not leave. I would like to spend the next few moments explaining why I should be your John Travolta this summer. First and foremost, I have a cleft in my chin. Seriously. Now that I have your attention, read this letter that I wrote in the summer of 2000, aka the summer of love.

Dear ___________,
Thanks for writing! My friend said I should write you, but I guess you beat me to it! I miss you too. I hope camp gets more exciting. Congrats on the play, I'm really happy for you! I think you're cute too! You can keep writing if you want to. Too bad there's no computers there or you could email me. It's a lot faster. Oh well, anything works for me. I can't wait to see you again!! I'm running out of room, so have a great time!
Love,
Nick Lane

P.S. My parents don't know about you, so could you not put any hearts or anything on the envelope? Thanks!

Yes, that is a real letter. Yes, I really was that charming at the young age of 12. Yes, you too could receive a similar letter! Imagine how much game I must have 8 years later. I'm practically dripping with it. Anyways, write me a letter at camp. You won't regret it. I will write back, and later we can sing songs from Grease.

Nick Lane
PO Box 228
Speculator NY 12164

P.S. My parents know about you. Hearts on the envelope are encouraged.

Goodbye Nicholas

To our dearest friend,
It has come to our attention that you are leaving the fine state of Maryland for the back woods of New York this weekend. Normally we would be disappointed that you are leaving for the whole summer, but we have come to realize there is no better place for you than Deerfoot, where you can be with kindred spirits.. and by kindred spirits we mean other half-naked men prancing around the woods. But don't think we disapprove. Nothing may show our admiration for you quite like our following you into the depths of homoeroticism, as has regularly been demonstrated over the past several years. Fittingly, you can also maximize your ability to not shower at Deerfoot, although you will probably seize a couple opportunities to wash down your fellow woodsmen. Scrub time anyone? We'll leave that to our reader's imagination.

Though we have gotten used to your absence each summer, this time will be even more painful because Addy will have absolutely no one to hang out with with Rob and Paul gone.. and Rob will not see you until Winter Break most likely. In honor of your ability to make a list out of anything and everything.. here's one for you.

Things we will do to honor Nick's absence this summer:
1) Make snapping noises with random fingers.
2) Play sports awkwardly (see how much Addy has to sacrifice? true friendship)
3) Watch all seven seasons of Smallville.
4) Find a "friend" who live blogs during final exams and other important assessments.
5) Read the Bible, taking all of Jesus's words as your own.. and then promptly go to hell.
6) Attempt to sell our cars and not keep any of the money for ourselves. See what we did there? Ouch.
7) Come up with a name for our collective intelligence.
8) Continue to compulsively make lists.

Worst comes to worst, we can minimize the amount of time we have to pass by just sleeping away every day, missing any and all time committments. So it will really just be like you were never really gone at all..

<3
Mr. Fantastic and The Flash

P.S. Sorry in advance for neglecting you as fellow blogmates. We have set the over/under on this summer's Rob/Addy posts at 2. We are both willing to bet on the over.. at least willing enough to put our entire Centsports balance on the line.

Academia

Over the years I have somehow developed a reputation as a bad student. My academic career has been full of poor choices and underachievement. I would like to take this opportunity to deflect the spotlight to another bright mind whose study habits are less than desirable. My friend, who will remain nameless, has a knack for outdoing even himself with his lack of effort. He generously shared with me these notes, written during one of his less successful exams. True story.

8:00 - Exams are passed out. This should be fun.
8:05 - Very apparent that I can't do any of the problems. Not even partially
8:30 - Finished copying given information and seemingly relevant equations. Began editing calculator programs.
8:45 - Programs are hopeless. No future career there.
8:50 - Perhaps I should pick up my pencil again? Getting weird looks as I gaze around the room.
8:55 - Just traced graphs on page 2 and rubbed them onto back of page 1. Lots more weird looks. Definitely worth it.
9:15 - Spent 20 minutes pushing random function buttons on calculator. Kind of interesting. Can probably leave soon.
9:20 - Overheard TA suggesting Colbert's Method. I hope it is Stephen's.
9:30 - Bathroom break. Kind of refreshing. Tried and failed to take nap on throne. Realized I probably reek.
9:32 - Professor told class to ignore part of a problem. Way ahead of him.
9:45 - 2 Students done. Cue summer.

So for those of you who thought your exams went poorly, take heart. There will always be that small crowd of us who defy all reason for a few extra hours of sleep. On behalf of my exam-failing friend, HAGS.

Same thing we do every night, Pinky... Try to take over the world

Welcome back.

For those of you who were wondering what the three of us had planned for our seemingly directionless lives, now you know. While it may already appear obvious that we are the most qualified candidates to take over the world, you probably haven't considered that our quest is well underway. Sure, Pinky and the Brain had some great ideas, but they were lacking a crucial element which gives us an undeniable advantage. Gustave. No, this is not a nickname we have given to our collective intelligence, but we appreciate the thought. We could try to explain Gustave, but instead, we recommend this video:

GUSTAVE! WTF MATE?!

If you were too lazy to click that link, we completely understand. But seriously, you need to see this. Gustave is a 60 year old, 20 foot long, 2000 pound Nile Crocodile (see 40 seconds into the clip for an idea of his relative size). One more thing: he has been rumored to have eaten hundreds of people. Villagers, scientists, poachers, and Boba Fett have all tried and failed to capture or kill this huge croc. Sorry Mr. Fett, but freezing Han Solo in carbonite is child's play compared to taking down Gustave. In fact, it is obvious that the only thing potent enough to destroy Gustave is the power of played-out racial stereotypes. Black people love fried chicken. By feeding Gustave countless buckets of fried chicken, the hundreds of previously dormant Africans within his belly will be thrown into a (food) frenzy. Because we don't want to seem overly racist, we won't go into the details of Gustave's demise. But whether it be caps popped, hoes supermanned, or L's smoked in the back of the Benz-y, Gustave is toast.

The legend of the Maryland Three Party and the defeat of Gustave will soon spread to the surrounding villages where will be hailed as god-like warriors and made Kings. We think it is safe to say that within a matter of hours we will be the ruling triumvirate of the world. As you can see our plan is well thought out as well as perfectly feasible. Its 6am. Were going to bed.

<3
Three Men in a Tub

Louis Addison Holmes

Addy Holmes is a caucasian male born March 9, 1988 who is alleged to have attended Richard Montgomery High School and graduated in the class of 2006. Many remain unsure of the validity of these claims because they never actually saw him at school and heard odd rumors about some sort of chronic headache. He now attends the University of Maryland-College Park and spends most of his time sleeping at arbitrary hours, "not fulfilling his potential" (credit to McCullough, Amanda), refreshing espn.com, and taking intramural sports far too seriously in hopes of capturing that elusive intramural championship t-shirt. Addy may occasionally grace his professors with random class appearances and is in the midst of switching majors from history to economics while eagerly anticipating his rejection from the business school later this year. He roots for the Redskins, Orioles, and Lakers and is looking forward to the next ten years of Lakers playoff runs and his inevitable move to Los Angeles quickly followed by a court order not to come within 500 feet of Kobe Bryant. Addy has no hope of convincing his friends that his favorite sport, baseball, is actually exciting and will undoubtedly be the only one to post anything related to MLB during the summer months on his recently created blog- Procrastinationsville, MD. He is already looking forward to the legions of adoring fans sure to materialize now that his musings are being posted on the internet. Addy is often compared to Steve Nash due to his basketball playing style, floppy brown hair, propensity to look like a heroin addict when neglecting his own personal hygiene, and the color of his skin. Despite the prestige and completely unnecessary ego boost of being compared to a two-time MVP of the NBA, sources close to the young man report that he is most proud of his mentoring of a fellow RM graduate in all things sports. Addy has zero plans for the upcoming summer or general future and probably would welcome any suggestions that would establish some sort of order, responsibility, or defined schedule in his life.

Nicholas Robert Warren Lane

Nicholas (Nick) Lane has spent the past several years of his life diligently failing out of the University of Maryland. As a graduate of Richard Montgomery's prestigious International Baccalaureate program, he has mastered the science of doing the absolute minimum to get by. Prone to spontaneous adventures, taking jokes too far, and sleeping at unreasonable hours, Nick tries hard to try as little as possible. After years of training from a close friend, mentor, and coach, he has grown from a sports ignoramus into a moderately respectable source for commonly known sports facts. Passionate about the Redskins, Wizards, and Terps, Nick will happily hop onto a passing bandwagon following the inevitably early exit of his team from the postseason. Future aspirations include becoming a pokemon master, winning some kind of foosball tournament, and learning to dribble a basketball with his left hand. Because the University of Maryland does not offer any courses in those areas, Nick will be taking a year off from school. Besides searching for a wife, Nick will be reading his Bible, working out regularly, and otherwise trying to convince his parents that he has regained control of his life. Nick plans to escape the monotony of baseball season in the mountains of New York, where he may or may not shower for the entire summer.

Rob

Rob Sukumar (born May 16, 1988) is a student at the University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill and possibly at the University of Maryland-College Park. A member of the notorious 2006 Richard Montgomery High School graduating class, Rob has gone on to accomplish very little, getting mediocre grades at UNC and not playing for their Men's Basketball team. Having been rejected from the business school once, his major is now Environmental Science and Economics, and will stay that way as he gets rejected again in the fall. Notable for his long arms, ability to waste brain space on every lyric, failure to apply himself, and tendency to be asleep, Rob will probably not finish this sentence with anything remotely of substance. He roots for the Redskins, Wizards, Tar Heels, and Terrapins, and can look forward to Roy Williams choking in the tournament pretty much every year and Dan Snyder running the Skins' franchise into the ground. Reports out of North Carolina indicate that Rob has a rapidly growing ego, a tendency to make people feel inadequate by knowing more about everything than they do, and a lack of ability to control himself while making fun of people. Despite taking lots of heat for his decision to choose UNC over Maryland, he has resisted the urge to transfer multiple times. Setting himself up for failure, his goals include becoming athletic, winning an intramural t-shirt, and going to sleep at some point tonight.

This summer, Rob will be melting away in the North Carolina heat for the months of May and June, before returning to waste away the summer with Addy and lament Nick/Paul's absence from the North Potomac-Darnestown cluster.