Academia

Over the years I have somehow developed a reputation as a bad student. My academic career has been full of poor choices and underachievement. I would like to take this opportunity to deflect the spotlight to another bright mind whose study habits are less than desirable. My friend, who will remain nameless, has a knack for outdoing even himself with his lack of effort. He generously shared with me these notes, written during one of his less successful exams. True story.

8:00 - Exams are passed out. This should be fun.
8:05 - Very apparent that I can't do any of the problems. Not even partially
8:30 - Finished copying given information and seemingly relevant equations. Began editing calculator programs.
8:45 - Programs are hopeless. No future career there.
8:50 - Perhaps I should pick up my pencil again? Getting weird looks as I gaze around the room.
8:55 - Just traced graphs on page 2 and rubbed them onto back of page 1. Lots more weird looks. Definitely worth it.
9:15 - Spent 20 minutes pushing random function buttons on calculator. Kind of interesting. Can probably leave soon.
9:20 - Overheard TA suggesting Colbert's Method. I hope it is Stephen's.
9:30 - Bathroom break. Kind of refreshing. Tried and failed to take nap on throne. Realized I probably reek.
9:32 - Professor told class to ignore part of a problem. Way ahead of him.
9:45 - 2 Students done. Cue summer.

So for those of you who thought your exams went poorly, take heart. There will always be that small crowd of us who defy all reason for a few extra hours of sleep. On behalf of my exam-failing friend, HAGS.