Top Ten Characters on TV

Welcome back. And here you were thinking we might have forgotten about our loyal and dedicated readers who have flooded us with requests to continue blogging and who write all sorts of comments after our entertaining and inspiring posts... Well we remember and now have returned to the blogosphere alive and relatively well. Good times all around. Here is a list (everyone likes lists) about the top characters on television today. And there are rules for this list! We can only include one character per show and the show must be currently in production with new episodes on the way (so no one from M.A.S.H. or The Brady Bunch or Seinfeld or any of the other shows that would not have been good enough to make this list in the first place.)

2) Clark Kent (Tom Welling) Smallville- We don't watch this show. This is actually the rare occasion where we have not succumbed to the irresistible tendencies of teenage girls. But one of our dear friends who may or may not be a contributor to this blog may or may not have watched all seven seasons in two or three weeks. Apparently he is quite the fan and so we figured Clark deserves a place on this list. He has superpowers and a variety of attractive women all over him so i guess he's got a little bit going for him. But we all know the real reason he is on this list is that no one can say no to Tom Welling's piercing green eyes...nicely contrasted with his dark brown hair...and that body...mmm mmm good...Campbell's soup has got nothing on Clark Kent.

13,401) Dwight K. Schrute (Rainn Wilson) The Office- Bears, Beets, and Assistant (to the) Regional Manager at everyone's favorite paper supply company. While many would fall instantly for Jim Halpert's dreamy smile, we choose to drool over Dwight's carefully parted hair. Fiercely loyal to Michael, hardworking, a stickler for the rules, and attracted to Angela, he is everything we are not. Dwight also earns our sympathy for being the victim of Jim's genius pranks, most notably when he was forced to buy his own stuff out of a vending machine with a bag full of nickels. Props also go to Andy Bernard, Cornell graduate and singer extraordinaire (Take a chance on me.. that's for you Nick) who is Dwight's rival in all things The Office.

12) The Janitor (Neil Flynn) Scrubs- No disrespect to Dr. Cox, who gets our respect for his ever-present sarcasm and his ability to think of new female names for J.D. over the course of seven long seasons of Scrubs, but he is too much like Dr. House to put him on the list. Instead, J.D.'s sworn enemy, the Janitor, is the choice here. The Janitor's ability to outsmart J.D., Dr. Kelso, and even Dr. Cox repeatedly gets our admiration, and his meetings with the brain trust of hospital idiots are always hilarious. Somehow, he manages to push everyone's buttons enough that they treat him as a formidable opponent, even though he's just a janitor. This is an ability Ted the lawyer could benefit greatly from. His fascination with stuffing dead animals also seems to be a plus.

3.14159..) Liz Lemon (Tina Fey) 30 Rock- Is this to satisfy our female readers because the rest of the list is comprised entirely of male characters? Perhaps. Are we sucking up to you girls because we just really want you to laugh at our jokes? Maybe...maybe not. Do we really need that ego boost? Definitely not. Will we ever stop asking questions and focus on Liz Lemon? Only briefly. We feel terrible about leaving Tracy Morgan off this list because everyone loves the stereotypical crazy black man but we can't resist Tina Fey's odd charm and we only wish all of you girls out there were as funny as her. If you haven't seen 30 Rock, go watch it on NBC...Addy likes it more than The Office.

i) Ben Linus (Michael Emerson) Lost- Is he a villain? Is he just trying to do what he can to protect himself, his people, and the island? A lot of things remain unresolved about Ben but we are definitely looking forward to getting some more answers about him...any answers in general would be great actually. Just because Lost keeps introducing crazier plot lines doesn't mean we have forgotten about all the half-answered things that accumulated in the first three seasons. But since we watched all of those episodes in a very short amount of time some of the characters began to annoy us a little (that means you Jack and Kate). Or we may have just gone stir crazy, it was hard to tell at that point. We do know that we have had some crazy dreams about polar bears, time travel, bizarre experiments, and smoke monsters. Yeah...anyways Ben has consistently entertained and it's always refreshing to see bad guys/maybe bad guys/sort of bad guys/good guys who sometimes appear to be bad guys/etc. who are smart and completely able and competent. He has an underrated sense of humor and continually delivers some of the best lines of the show. Apologies here to Desmond Hume, who might have gotten this spot if he had a bigger role.

e) Omar Little (Michael Williams) The Wire- In honor of our homosexual tendencies, we've given a spot to a gay guy on this list. Also, he is black, which gives him even more in common with us. His place on the list may also be due to the fact that he is the most feared man in the streets of West Baltimore, stealing huge amounts of cocaine and cash from the biggest gangs and giving them away for free. Like Robin Hood. With guns and a huge scar across his face. Despite many near-death experiences, Omar continually comes back to haunt the gangs that rule Baltimore, mostly because they kill his friends and family in an attempt to get revenge for his thefts. Even with all the crimes, he makes a point of never harming civilians or swearing, and his friendship with the main cop characters make him one of the most double-edged characters on television. And yes we know The Wire is no longer airing but we felt it necessary to make an exception. Get over it.

0) Greg House (Hugh Laurie) House- Maybe the smartest character on television. Every week, he gives us justification for being jerks as long as we are (way) smarter than the people we are jerks to. Often unethical and extremely harsh, he will go to whatever lengths necessary to diagnose a patient. Not because he cares remotely about the patient or their survival, but because his ego needs to know he can solve any mystery. It's hard to decide whether I would want him to go out with Dr. Cuddy, Dr. Cameron, or even swing the other way and be with Wilson forever, but I'm leaning towards the latter.

666) Charlie (Charlie Day) It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia-A fantastically offensive show. And Charlie is the dyslexic, lovable loser who throws tantrums like a two year old and was "molested" by his gym teacher. And since J-Kwon and It's Always Sunny are an incredible combination we will use a clip instead of our words... http://youtube.com/watch?v=CQ8CezJVb9U. In this episode the gang allows underage drinking in their bar and eventually winds up going to the high school prom...something we hope to emulate when we form our own bar one day...hopefully we have our own tv show by then as well.

∞)Ari Gold (Jeremy Piven) Entourage- Vince's high-powered superagent may be the funniest character ever. Racist, sexist, sarcastic, and angry, he employs many of the characteristics we desire in a human being. Everyone in Hollywood loves him or hates him, including his wife and daughter. Regardless, he is ridiculously successful and loyal to his clients. Ari's funniest moments are vulgarity-laced outbursts, such as the one below, courtesy of youtube and copyright infringement. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uyXeClFPNfA&feature=related

69) Homer Simpson (Dan Castellaneta) The Simpsons- Homer earns the unofficial lifetime achievement award for his twenty years of loyal service. He may be ten years past his prime but the fact that The Simpsons is still enjoyable says a lot about...well about how stupid Homer really is and how much trouble he can cause. But we love him for that and we will keep searching for the "ANY" key since we have to push that to continue...mmm powdered blowholes (that is for you Nick).

Honorable Mention) We did not include anyone from South Park or Family Guy but any number of characters from those shows could have made this list. And Jack Bauer's name does not appear because we still hold him responsible for the most recent season of 24. We are actually holding him right now in Addy's cellar demanding a better season this winter. That's right...Jack Bauer is our bitch. And also because no one makes top thirteen lists. It is an unlucky number and cumbersome besides.

Now I know what you are thinking... "Are Rob and Addy the coolest people we know?" And our answer is I hope not that would be a terribly depressing statement about your life. But you are also probably wondering why we were too lazy to actually order our top ten characters. That we might have tried to pull a fast one by assigning each an arbitrary number. You are clearly too smart for us and next time we'll remember that we can't get anything by you. But this time we apologize for our obvious lack of effort and we hope you can move past that and accept us for who we are. You should be thrilled we posted at all. Until next time...
Chandler and Kumar