NBA Finals Game Four- Live Blog

Welcome back boys and girls. Despite the underwhelming response to my previous post, I am blogging an NBA Finals game again. This time it is Game Four in Los Angeles with the Celtics leading the series 2-1. Really this is just for my own personal enjoyment and a way for Nick to feel like he watched the game with me even though he is in the woods. For anyone into gambling...I am taking bets on whether or not Lamar Odom is actually alive. The odds are 3:1.

First Quarter

11:49- Odom scores the first bucket of the game. He clearly was motivated by my thinly veiled criticism. You’re welcome Lakers fans.

10:03- Rob reveals he would rather go to Jimmie Cone and get ice cream in Damascus than watch the game. It is a good thing he is in North Carolina so I don’t have to kill him.

8:31- All of you who bet that Lamar Odom is in fact still alive…congratulations. Three early buckets for LO and the Lakers jump out to an early lead.

7:45- Pau does not look at the basket despite having Perkins one-on-one ten feet from the hoop. He should stop taking lessons from KG…

Commercial- Heath Ledger looks fantastic in the Dark Knight previews. It is too bad he killed himself. I also really enjoy 10 Things I Hate About You. Seriously.

5:01- The refs try not to make their home team bias too obvious by calling the Lakers for three quick fouls in 30 seconds.

4:15- L.A. is on fire offensively and is playing swarming defense. Just serves as a reminder to everyone that the Lakers have the highest ceiling in the league. The only issue is getting everyone not named Kobe to contribute every night and be consistent.

3:46- 24-7 as Odom hits another jumper and is definitely the best player on the floor. Armageddon may be upon us.

Commercial- If you are a black superhero and not a white guy signing the Declaration of Independence your name shouldn’t be Hancock…

3:10- Chill out Lamar…13 points 5 rebounds 2 assists in 9 minutes.

2:08- The Celtics reach double digits and have finally exceeded the Red Sox run total from this afternoon against the Orioles (nine runs).

End- The Lakers lead after the first quarter 35-14 and that 21 point difference is the largest after the first quarter in NBA Finals history.

Commercial- If Hellboy was a real superhero he wouldn’t need a gun.

Second Quarter

11:07- Trevor Ariza blatantly pushes Posey in the back going for a rebound and no foul is called. It is great to play in L.A.

10:32- Powe tries a move better suited for an And1 mix tape. You are not Hot Sauce, Leon…

Commercial- Dwyane Wade does his T-Mobile thang…Remember when he was good at basketball and stuff?

8:04- Jeff Van Gundy calls Hitch a fantastic movie and that Kevin James is the funniest man alive. Yep.

7:04- Sam “E.T.” Cassell fouls Kobe to prevent a 2v1 for the Lakers. I think there should be advantage in basketball similar to soccer in that the ref can ignore a foul if the fouled team has an advantage…but fortunately there isn’t as Sasha hits a three and makes it 45-21.

4:38- Kobe is now 0-3. I don’t care about the six assists…I want points Kobe.

Commercial- Remember when beer commercials were funny? Those days were even before when Dwyane Wade was good at basketball.

3:27- The Celtics are back within 14. Derek Fisher throws it to the cameraman behind the basket. Paul Pierce hits a jumper. 45-33. I hate life.

2:33- Odom travels. Fortunately switching pivot feet is allowed in the NBA and later Fisher gets a lay-up despite the foul.

Commercial- I’m fairly certain Canon ripped off Bo Burnham’s tune for “My Whole Family Thinks I’m Gay” in their new commercial…will someone please verify this?

2:36- Doc Rivers had his voice just crack. If I had HD I’m sure I’d see his emerging acne too…

End- The Elvin Jew comes in with five seconds last and proceeds to hit a last second shot. 58-40 at halftime. I won’t feel comfortable until the fourth quarter even with an eighteen-point lead.

Halftime Highlights- Tiger Woods will go down as one of the best five athletes ever and rival Jordan, Ali, and Ruth for the number one spot. Even if you think golf is boring…please watch and try to appreciate Tiger. He is phenomenal.

Channel Surfing- Austin Powers is on TBS. Mike Myers was last funny about when beer commercials were funny.

Austin Powers- Beyonce is hot. Even with an Afro. And even being black. You go Jay-Z. I’m not racist.

Channel Surfing- I thoroughly enjoy South Park if only for their general principle of unabashedly making fun of everyone and everything. It is too bad my mom didn’t let me watch it for most of my life.

Adventures- Breyers’ Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream…fantastic.

Third Quarter

10:55- Kobe hits his first field goal of the game.

10:25- Gasol gets a lot of credit for being a really good shooter and having a soft touch. If he is such a good shooter I feel like he should be able to shoot better than me from fifteen feet. And I don’t think that is the case.

9:50- KG abuses Gasol. Gasol’s defense gives the impression that he thinks he is a matador and KG is the bull…(Gasol is from Spain everyone…so laugh)

Random Thought- Lamar Odom is easily the third best player on an NBA finalist. He cannot dribble with his right hand and I have a better jump shot than him. This line of reasoning always ends with me wishing I was an athletic, lanky, 6’11 black guy.

7:00- Jack Nicholson is shown wearing his customary sunglasses. New Life Goal: Be cool enough to wear sunglasses indoors (and I mean actually cool enough…not just wear them in spite of looking ridiculous like Ben).

5:25- For anyone who cares, the Lakers are winning 70-55.

5:00- Paul Pierce blocks Kobe’s fadeaway jumper…I have no idea if I’ve ever seen that before. Remarkable. Also, Kobe’s shot has not looked good at all tonight.

3:05- Kobe could not be more wide open. Instead Derek Fisher throws the ball at Lamar Odom’s feet and Ray Allen gets a lay-up on the other end. The Celtics are now within 11 and I am very nervous…

0:41- And the Celtics are within four. I might have a heart attack.

End- That could have gone worse. But I’ll probably need the entire commercial break to think how that would have had to play out. I think the Lakers bench would have to have been hit by machine gun fire. The Lakers are winning 73-71 after three quarters. Kobe looks terrible and that hurts me quite a bit inside. I should take sports less seriously.

Fourth Quarter

12:00- Phil Jackson calls momentum a funny girl. I’d probably date momentum under the right circumstances.

11:00- Kobe takes a contested shot with his foot on the three point line and doesn’t come close. He is my favorite player and the best player in the world…and half the time I want to kill him. And please stop comparing his career to Jordan’s. It isn’t fair to either of them. He is Jordanesque…but you don’t see Kobe doing voiceovers to Nike commercials that give you goosebumps even if it the twentieth time you’ve seen it.

10:25- Sasha Vujacic scissor trips Ray Allen. Europe is a funny place.

10:11- Tie game.

9:55- Bad shot from Kobe. He is 2-12. If there is a fifty percent chance your best player will shoot your team out of Game Four of the NBA Finals…well that is just a bad sign.

9:32- Great move from Kobe. He is toying with my emotions.

7:25- Kobe makes one and misses one. I guess that is an improvement.

6:50- Ronny Turiaf takes a jump shot in the fourth quarter of a tie game in the finals. Really…I’m not making that up. He missed. Shocking.

5:02- Posey hits a three. Kobe makes one and barely hits the backboard on his following bankshot. Can you tell I am frustrated?

4:06- First lead of the game for the Celtics. The Lakers respond by throwing the ball to Ray Allen. Probably not a good decision.

2:10- Celtics up five.

End- I don’t want to talk about it. I apologize for anything mean I might say to you in the next three days in advance.