THE AMERICAN FOOTBALL CONFERENCE

Since I'm farther away from the center of the NFC universe (the Washington Redskins).. I'll be breaking down some teams in the AFC.

AFC East
New England Patriots -- Tom "God" Brady went down in week one, tearing his ACL and MCL. Ironically, these are the same two ligaments Notre Dame coach (and Brady's former O-Coordinator) Charlie Weis tore yesterday when a player collided into him on the sideline. Charlie Weis said he "felt like an athlete for the first time in his life." No word on whether Tom Brady feels like someone who probably eats Gisele's weight in food for each and every meal.

New York Jets -- Brett Favre took his guns and slings over to New York. He's comfortable in Wrangler. And the Jets are still comfortable having a terrible offense and losing to the Patriots, as they did today, 19-10. On the bright side, their top receiver has the coolest name of any top receiver in the NFL. Jerricho Cotchery owns you, Chad Ocho Cinco.

AFC North
Cincinnati Bengals -- Remember when these guys were the team of the future? Palmer-Ocho Cinco-Houshman;ohdf;lkjsahfd were going to be the next Manning-Harrison-Wayne. That defense had a lot of interceptions. One Kimo Von Olhoeffen trip into Carson Palmer's knee and its been all downhill since then. Coincidentally, Ocho Cinco is the number of arrests the Bengals have had in the last five years. They're 0-2.

Cleveland Browns -- Also 0-2. They had two home games to open up the season, and lost by a combined score of 38-13. Braylon Edwards is failing miserably on his promise to double Michael Phelps's gold medal count with 16 touchdown catches. Jamal Lewis and Shaun Rogers on the other hand are doing a great job of doubling Michael Phelps's daily caloric intake, minus swimming 8000 miles a day.

Pittsburgh Steelers -- Head coach Mike Tomlin looks like Omar Epps. For a team with such a tough reputation, you think they would hire an actor who wasn't in Love and Basketball. Great movie though.

AFC South
Indianapolis Colts -- Strugglesville, Indiana. Starting multiple rookies on your offensive line and opening up against the defenses of the Bears and Vikings will screw up your vaunted offense in a hurry. On the other hand, watching the offenses of the Bears and Vikings would probably screw up your offense in a hurry as well. The Colts are lucky to be 1-1 after beating Minnesota today despite getting thoroughly dominated throughout.

Tennessee Titans -- They're 2-0 despite the complete mental breakdown of quarterback Vince Young. Two and half years ago, Matt Leinart, Vince Young, and Reggie Bush were at the top of the world, attending the Heisman trophy ceremony and playing in the NCAA national championship. Now Reggie is averaging less than 3 yards a carry, Matt Leinart gets caught on camera partying with underage girls, and Vince Young's therapist is telling stories of suicide to the media. At least they got almost 70 million dollars in combined guaranteed money.

AFC West
San Diego Chargers -- LaDainian Tomlinson has yet to get going, and the Chargers are in a 0-2 hole. No worries though, last year they started 1-3 and still made the AFC Championship. This year should be more of the same as they bounce back and inevitably turn in their annual playoff choke job.

Oakland Raiders -- Their owner is insane, their coach has been on the verge of being fired for months, their quarterback is fat, their offensive line is non-existent, their new cornerback and defensive end are overpaid.. and their fans still go nuts at the football games. Love the Oakland fans. They might not be the worst team in the division this year, as they beat Kansas City today in KC.

Until next time,
One of Travis Henry's Nine Children (we all have different mothers)